Beef Scraps Written Reviews #1
Hey
folks! This my first written review and
I am sure there are more to come. I
heard this film coming through the wire and I had little or no expectations for
it. Then I saw the trailer and I changed
my mind pretty fast. First of all, you
got Jeremy Renner as Hansel, who has solidified himself as an action star in
films like Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Bourne Ultimatum. It had Gemma Arterton as Gretel, who I
remember most as Nick Frost's sexy boat skank from Pirate Radio. She also got her feet wet in such films as
Prince of Persia and Clash of the Titans (2010). It also features Famke Janssen as the big bad
witch Muriel.
The film
starts as a young Hansel and Gretel are led into the woods by their father and
are abandoned never knowing why. They
wander further into the woods and come upon house made out of candy just the
like the original story. They are soon
captured by an old witch and Hansel is caged being force fed candy to fatten
him up as Gretel is forced to help her prepare for her feast. They're skills are soon learned as Hansel
escapes from his cage and attacks the witch and that him and his sister are
immune to her charms and powers. They
promptly fuck her up and toss her in the oven just like in the story. After this, during the opening credits, you
see in the newspaper clippings that the duo have taken a trade in going from
village to village taking out many other witches and collecting big bounties.
The actual
film starts in the village where they
came from. They are sent for to find a
coven of witches who are stealing children.
They are immediately opposed by the town sheriff and his officers. They don't care because they know they're
shit. They stop him and his g-men from killing a supposed witch right when they
appeared on screen. After the sheriff's
lackeys go out to the woods to get the bounty first, they are brutally attacked
by they witches and are all but one taken out pretty easily. This is when the experts have to spring into
action.
I don't want
to get into too much more of the plot because I don't want to ruin it for anyone else. It was filled with CG effects but it was
neccesary to pull off what they did for this film. For those who don't like CG blood, this isn't
the film for you if you are going to nit pick.
Hansel and Gretel are about as
cool as any action heroes as I've seen.
They explode on screen with their cool weapons and kick ass moves. The witches make up and flying moves are
pretty awesome. It is hard to make Famke Janssen ugly and they pulled it off
pretty well. I know this all stuff we
have seen before but not like this in my opinion. They had gruesome kills in this film
including a drawn and quartered dismemberment, head smashes and other cool
things that has to be seen to be believed.
One of my
favorite characters in the film was the Edward the troll. He was the witches lackey who was their
muscle and he collected the kidnapped children.
He eventually becomes friend to Gretel and her muscle with awesome
brutal force. I wish I would have seen
this in a 3D theater because I think the effects would have really popped. Alas,
it was playing at the local discount theater and I am glad I went
because I had a great experience. I
don't think this is a great film by any means.
If you want to be entertained with tons of eye candy and amazing effects,
give this one a rent when it comes out.
I am going to buy it when it comes out.
I enjoyed it that much.
Grade B
.JPG)
.JPG)
