Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Beef Scraps Written Reviews #1 Hansel and Gretel : Witch Hunters

Beef Scraps Written Reviews #1

Hey folks!  This my first written review and I am sure there are more to come.  I heard this film coming through the wire and I had little or no expectations for it.  Then I saw the trailer and I changed my mind pretty fast.  First of all, you got Jeremy Renner as Hansel, who has solidified himself as an action star in films like Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Bourne Ultimatum.  It had Gemma Arterton as Gretel, who I remember most as Nick Frost's sexy boat skank from Pirate Radio.  She also got her feet wet in such films as Prince of Persia and Clash of the Titans (2010).  It also features Famke Janssen as the big bad witch Muriel.

The film starts as a young Hansel and Gretel are led into the woods by their father and are abandoned never knowing why.  They wander further into the woods and come upon house made out of candy just the like the original story.  They are soon captured by an old witch and Hansel is caged being force fed candy to fatten him up as Gretel is forced to help her prepare for her feast.  They're skills are soon learned as Hansel escapes from his cage and attacks the witch and that him and his sister are immune to her charms and powers.  They promptly fuck her up and toss her in the oven just like in the story.  After this, during the opening credits, you see in the newspaper clippings that the duo have taken a trade in going from village to village taking out many other witches and collecting big bounties.

The actual film  starts in the village where they came from.  They are sent for to find a coven of witches who are stealing children.  They are immediately opposed by the town sheriff and his officers.  They don't care because they know they're shit. They stop him and his g-men from killing a supposed witch right when they appeared on screen.  After the sheriff's lackeys go out to the woods to get the bounty first, they are brutally attacked by they witches and are all but one taken out pretty easily.  This is when the experts have to spring into action.

I don't want to get into too much more of the plot because I don't want to ruin it  for anyone else.  It was filled with CG effects but it was neccesary to pull off what they did for this film.  For those who don't like CG blood, this isn't the film for you if you are going to nit pick.  Hansel and Gretel are  about as cool as any action heroes as I've seen.  They explode on screen with their cool weapons and kick ass moves.  The witches make up and flying moves are pretty awesome. It is hard to make Famke Janssen ugly and they pulled it off pretty well.   I know this all stuff we have seen before but not like this in my opinion.  They had gruesome kills in this film including a drawn and quartered dismemberment, head smashes and other cool things that has to be seen to be believed.

One of my favorite characters in the film was the Edward the troll.  He was the witches lackey who was their muscle and he collected the kidnapped children.  He eventually becomes friend to Gretel and her muscle with awesome brutal force.  I wish I would have seen this in a 3D theater because I think the effects would have really popped.   Alas,  it was playing at the local discount theater and I am glad I went because I had a great experience.  I don't think this is a great film by any means.  If you want to be entertained with tons of eye candy and amazing effects, give this one a rent when it comes out.  I am going to buy it when it comes out.  I enjoyed it that much.

Grade B

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